Krab Borg (transcript)

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePantsepisode "Krab Borg" from season three, which aired on March 29, 2002.
 * Aaron Springer: [SpongeBob is watching the movie while eating popcorn] We now return to tonight's Creepy Time Theater presentation of Night of the Robot.
 * Sam Henderson: [screaming while being chased by a giant robot]
 * SpongeBob: Hurry, Gary, the scary robot movie's on.
 * Gary: Meow.
 * SpongeBob: What do you mean I shouldn't watch this? Scary movies don't always freak me out. [scene cuts to SpongeBob lying in his bed, whimpering and shivering]What if Mom is a robot? What if Uncle Sherm is a robot? What if Gary is a robot? Gary? [Gary is sleeping] Psst, Gary? Gare-Bear? [pokes Gary's eye, causing him to wake up]
 * Gary: Meow.
 * SpongeBob: Gary, if you were a robot, you'd tell me, right?
 * Gary: Meow.
 * SpongeBob: Oh, I've got nothing to worry about. And now to get a good night's sleep. [goes to sleep. Dreams about running from the giant robot from the movie earlier. Scene cuts to the next day at the Krusty Krab, with SpongeBob in the kitchen, panting] Robot! Oh my gosh! [robot turns out to be a sack of potatoes, a dust pan and broom, and a bucket] Huh? [chuckles nervously. Scene cuts to Mr. Krabs holding down his money on Mr. Krabs' desk]
 * Mr. Krabs: How about a little music to count me money to? [turns on the radio that is next to him]
 * Radio DJ: [From the radio] And now for the #1 song in Bikini Bottom: "Electric Zoo." storyboard directors Jay Lender and Dan Povenmire storyboard artists Chris Headrick, Jim Schumann and Erik Wiese written by Jay Lender, Dan Povenmire and Mark O'Hare [techno beat is heard. Mr. Krabs starts counting his money]
 * Mr. Krabs: Hey, that's pretty catchy. Bee-bee-boo-bop, bee-bee-boo-beep. Yeah, that's not bad. I love this young people's music. [scene cuts to kitchen. A buzzer goes off]
 * SpongeBob: I surrender! Oh.
 * Squidward: SpongeBob! [SpongeBob screams. His hat flies onto Squidward's nose]
 * SpongeBob: Squidward, why are you wearing my hat on your nose?
 * Squidward: [removes the hat from his nose and puts it back on SpongeBob's head] I'm not wearing your hat on my nose! I'm waiting for #17's order!
 * SpongeBob: #17 -- [holds up a tray with food] Krabby Patty and a medium beverage. Course. Sorry Squidward, I'm not really feeling myself today. I guess I'm a little bit jumpy. I keep thinking robots are taking over the world, probably on account of this movie I watched last night where robots take over the world. I even asked Gary if he was a robot! Pretty funny, huh?
 * Squidward: [sarcastically] Hilarious. Just deliver the food.
 * SpongeBob: [delivers the food to Thaddeus] There you go! Enjoy your... Say, you're not a robot, are you?
 * Thaddeus: No, I'm not.
 * SpongeBob: Well, keep your eyes peeled. [in a deep voice] They're everywhere. Back to work! [he runs away, Thaddeus shrugs his shoulders. SpongeBob walks by Mr. Krabs' office]
 * Mr. Krabs: [from office] I feel completely recharged!
 * SpongeBob: That sounds like Mr. Krabs. [peeks in the window]
 * Mr. Krabs: Come on, little buddy, play it again. [shakes his radio] Please? One more time, for me.
 * SpongeBob: That was strange. Mr. Krabs was talking to his radio, and he said he feels "recharged."[laughs] If I didn't know better, I'd say he was... [scene zooms in on SpongeBob] ...a robot! Nah.
 * Mr. Krabs: [calls the radio station] Yes, hello. I was wondering if you could play that song again.
 * Radio DJ: [From the phone] Hmmm... which one, man?
 * Mr. Krabs: The one that goes "bee-boo-boo-bop, boo-boo-beep."
 * Radio DJ: No, man. You're thinking of "bee-boo-boo-bop, boo-boo-bop."
 * Mr. Krabs: Bee-boo-boo-boo-boo-bop, [Garbly telephone noise] bee-boo-boo-bop, [Garbly telephone noise] boo-boo-bee-bop? [Garbly telephone noise] Not bee-boo-boo-beep? [Garbly telephone noise] Bop?[Garbly telephone noise] Beep?! [Garbly telephone noise] Boo-boo-bop?! [SpongeBob screams]
 * SpongeBob: Oh my gosh. Why was Mr. Krabs making all those beeping sounds? Could it be that he's...[scene zooms in on him] ...a robot? Nah. [peeks into the window again and sees Mr. Krabs doing a robot dance on his desk. He jumps onto Squidward's arms] Oh, Squidward, it's terrible! Mr. Krabs... talking to radio... beeping sounds... strange dancing... robot!
 * Squidward: [picks up SpongeBob off his arms] That's great, SpongeBob. Why don't you work on this problem back in the kitchen! [throws him in the kitchen. Squidward laughs, but SpongeBob reappears beside him. Squidward is confused and looks around for how he did it]
 * SpongeBob: I'm serious, Squidward! Mr. Krabs is a robot. And I can prove it, too.
 * Squidward: [confused] How did you...?
 * SpongeBob: Let's see, in the movie the robots didn't have a sense of humor! They couldn't laugh. Hey, Mr. Krabs!
 * Mr. Krabs: [runs up to the counter] What is it, boy?
 * SpongeBob: Squidward just told me a hilarious joke and I thought you might like to hear it.
 * Mr. Krabs: Is it true, Squidward? Is it hilarious?
 * Squidward: Umm... yeah, sure.
 * Mr. Krabs: Well, let's hear it, lad.
 * SpongeBob: Okay, here it goes! Uhh, how'd it go Squidward?
 * Squidward: [chuckles nervously] Uhh, it went, umm, uhh, let's see, uhh... why couldn't the 11-year-old get into the pirate movie?
 * Mr. Krabs: Why?
 * Squidward: It was rated "Arr!"[laughing] Arr! Because it's... about... pirates.
 * Mr. Krabs: I'm not paying you to do stand up, Mr. Squidward! Now get back to work!
 * SpongeBob: [gasps] Not even a chuckle! See, Squidward? He didn't laugh because he couldn't laugh because he's... [scene zooms in on him] ...a robot!
 * Squidward: There's a logical explanation why he didn't laugh, SpongeBob. He's obviously heard it before. The only reason you think Krabs is a robot is because you watched that stupid movie. Now why don't you...
 * SpongeBob: Hey, Mr. Krabs!
 * Mr. Krabs: [runs up to the counter again] What? What is it, boy?
 * SpongeBob: Squidward's father never hugged him. Isn't that sad? [pretends to cry]
 * Mr. Krabs: Yes, I suppose that is rather sad, but Squidward can hug himself during his break! Now get back to work!
 * SpongeBob: Just like the robot in the movie. He couldn't cry either.
 * Squidward: SpongeBob, this is getting ridiculous. I'll have you know my father loved me very much!
 * SpongeBob: That's the final test, Squidward; the love test. Robots can't love.
 * Squidward: No, wait, SpongeBob!
 * SpongeBob: Hey, Mr. Krabs!
 * Mr. Krabs: [runs up to the counter again] What is it, SpongeBob?!
 * SpongeBob: I just wanted to tell you that Squidward loves you! [Mr. Krabs makes a blank expression on his face]
 * Mr. Krabs: Get back to work, Mr. Squidward.
 * SpongeBob: [gulps] Squidward? [Mr. Krabs is at his desk writing something when the Brad Brock's sound radio stops working. Tim Garrity's Radio breaks with electronic breakage sound effect.]
 * Mr. Krabs: Aw, me radio died! [Vincent Guisetti's sound takes out the batteries] Hmmm, these batteries still have a little juice in 'em. I know! I'll give 'em to Pearl for Christmas. [Diane Greco's sound puts the batteries in his back pocket. A bell rings and then Mr. Krabs walks over to a pot of boiling water] Me hard-boiled egg is ready! [Thomas Maydeck's sound picks up a pair of tongs] I can already taste it. Come to Papa. [takes the egg out of the water with his tongs] Got ya! And what good is a hot-boiled egg without a little salt? [picks up a pinch of salt]
 * SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs!
 * Mr. Krabs: [breaks the egg and accidentally tosses the full salt shaker into his eyes] Ooouuuccchhhh! Oh, the eyes![starts crying]
 * SpongeBob: Mr... [Squidward puts his hand over SpongeBob's mouth]
 * Squidward: Will you be quiet? Now listen, what did these robots in the movie look like?
 * SpongeBob: Well, they had piercing blue eyes, metal pinchers for hands, and they ran on batteries.
 * Squidward: Okay, so tell me, does Mr. Krabs look anything like that?!
 * Mr. Krabs: [Glenn E. Oyabe's sound Barges out crying; his eyes are piercing red, his pair of the tongs snip, then it shows the batteries in his pocket]
 * SpongeBob & Squidward: [both screaming]
 * Mr. Krabs: [continues screaming as he goes into the Jessa Arruda's sound bathroom]
 * Squidward: I'll evacuate the customers, you call the navy!
 * SpongeBob: [runs over to the phone] Hello, Operator? Get me the Navy!
 * Operator: Hello, you've reached the Navy's automated phone service.
 * SpongeBob: Squidward, the robots are running the Navy!
 * Squidward: Not the Navy! [over loudspeaker] Attention, everyone, run for your lives! Robots have taken over the world! [everyone is silent] Our world! [all the customers run out screaming] What do we do now?
 * SpongeBob: I don't know! [notices a nickel] Hey, a nickel! [he points at it]
 * Squidward: SpongeBob.
 * SpongeBob: Sorry.
 * Mr. Krabs: [walks out of the bathroom, his eyes back to normal] Ah, that's better. [walks back to his office]Bee-boo-boo-boo-bee-bop, boo-boo-bop.
 * Squidward: We need to find out what that robot did with the real Mr. Krabs, but how?
 * SpongeBob: Well, in the movie the hero teams up with a buddy, and they get the poop on the robot.
 * Squidward: They poop on the robot?
 * SpongeBob: Yeah, you know, they get the straight poop, ask questions, get information.
 * Squidward: I never thought I'd say this, but, SpongeBob, let's get that poop! [grabs the book titled How To Torture and reads it with SpongeBob. SpongeBob grabs some rope while Squidward grabs a hammer and a saw. SpongeBob also grabs some old comedy records. Scene cuts to Mr. Krabs' office, where SpongeBob & Squidward enter]
 * Mr. Krabs: Oh, hello, boys. [they are at the door with angry expressions on their faces] What can I do for you? [SpongeBob & Squidward lock the door, making Mr. Krabs look nervous] Heh-heh, why did you lock the door? [nervously] Why do you have that rope? Who's watching the cash register?! [shot of outside the Krusty Krab where loud crashing and everyone screaming can be heard. Back in the office, Squidward ties Mr. Krabs to his office chair] SpongeBob! Squidward! What's the meaning of this?! Untie me this instant!
 * Squidward: Shut up! [slaps Mr. Krabs]
 * Mr. Krabs: Sweet Davy Jones, what the heck is going on?!
 * Squidward: I said "shut up!," you bucket of bolts! [slaps him again]
 * SpongeBob: I can't take it! [runs off, crying]
 * Squidward: SpongeBob, are you okay?
 * SpongeBob: Oh, Squidward, seeing you slap Mr. Krabs like that is just too horrible to watch!
 * Squidward: No, that's not Mr. Krabs. That's Robot Krabs. [Mr. Krabs is trying to get out of his chair]
 * SpongeBob: Oh, yeah.
 * Squidward: And the only way to deal with these robot types is to find out what they know.
 * SpongeBob: Right. [runs up to Mr. Krabs and then slaps him]
 * Squidward: SpongeBob, you got to ask him a question first.
 * SpongeBob: Oh, yeah. What color is my underwear? [slaps him again]
 * Squidward: SpongeBob, let me handle this. [turns a light on Mr. Krabs] Where's Mr. Krabs?
 * Mr. Krabs: [confused] What are you talking about? I'm Mr. Krabs. [Squidward slaps him again]
 * Squidward: We can do this all night if you want. Where's Mr. Krabs?
 * Mr. Krabs: I'm Mr. Krabs.
 * SpongeBob: Where's Mr. Krabs?
 * Mr. Krabs: I'm Mr. Krabs.
 * Squidward: Where's Mr. Krabs?
 * Mr. Krabs: I am Mr. Krabs! I am! I am! I am! I am! I am! I am! I am!
 * SpongeBob: This is one stubborn robot.
 * Mr. Krabs: [confused, then angrily yells] What?! [his yelling knocks over the light and SpongeBob] You think I'm a robot?!
 * Squidward: We don't think; we know.
 * Mr. Krabs: That's the silliest thing I ever heard! I am Mr. Krabs!
 * Squidward: [walks over to SpongeBob] He's not cracking. We'll never get it out of him this way.
 * SpongeBob: I got an idea. [pokes Squidward's nose] Keep an eye on him, Squidward. Don't fall for any of his robot tricks. [runs out and returns later] If Robot Krabs won't tell us where Mr. Krabs is, maybe one of his little robot friends will. [holds up a blender]
 * Squidward: SpongeBob, uhh, that's a blender.
 * SpongeBob: Yeah, but I saw Mr. Krabs talking with his radio before. He called it his "little buddy."
 * Squidward: Oh, really? Put it on the table, SpongeBob.
 * Mr. Krabs: You're gonna interrogate my blender? You're crazy.
 * Squidward: We're just gonna see what your "little buddy" knows. [SpongeBob sets the blender on Mr. Krabs' desk. Squidward holds up a bat]
 * Mr. Krabs: [panicking] No, wait! What are you going to do with me blender?! That cost me money!
 * Squidward: Where's Mr. Krabs? [shot of the blender] Not talking, eh? [breaks the blender with the bat]
 * Mr. Krabs: No! That cost me $24.95!
 * SpongeBob: I guess it didn't know anything.
 * Squidward: Go get the toaster. [SpongeBob gets the toaster then puts it on Mr. Krabs' desk]
 * Mr. Krabs: No, not me toaster. That cost me $32.50! [Squidward breaks the toaster and then SpongeBob sets a food processor on the desk] $62.67! [Squidward breaks it with the bat. SpongeBob picks up a coffee maker and puts it on the desk] Four... well, actually, that one was a gift. [Squidward breaks it] Nooo!
 * SpongeBob: [while trying to put the cash register on Mr. Krabs' desk] This is the last robot, Squidward.
 * Mr. Krabs: No, not my cash register! I raised it myself. I got it when it was just a little calculator. [crying]No! [sobbing and then sobbing louder]
 * Squidward: I thought you said robots can't cry.
 * SpongeBob: I also said they couldn't love.
 * Mr. Krabs: [crying] I loved it like it was me own.
 * SpongeBob: Uh, at least he's not laughing.
 * Mr. Krabs: Oh, I remember the laughs we used to share! [sobbing]
 * Squidward: SpongeBob uhh, how did that movie of yours end?
 * SpongeBob: The movie? Oh, yeah! The ending was great! Turns out there weren't any robots after all. It was just their... [slows down, as he realizes his mistake] imagination. [chuckles nervously, timpani noise, as if he anticipates Squidward to be angry at him, then checks his watch] Hey, it's time to feed Gary. [runs out while Squidward smiles nervously at Mr. Krabs and then grabs a broom and sweeps the broken pieces on the floor. Mr. Krabs becomes infuriated]
 * Mr. Krabs: [growling. The background shakes] Squidward!