Krusty Love/transcript

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Krusty Love" from season two, which aired on September 6, 2002.
 * [The exterior of the Krusty Krab is shown.]
 * Mr. Krabs: [Off-Screen] Da da dee. [Mr. Krabs is shown in his office. He is stitching.] Stitch one purl two. da da dee doo. [The scene shows that he is stitching a pattern of a dollar bill.] Da day dee da. Dee doh.. [He abruptly stops and sniffs the air.]What's that smell? [He runs over to the cashier boat.]The register! [He shakes the register and smells it.]$49.0... 8?! That's a penny short! [He starts crying.]
 * Squidward: [sarcastically] Oh, no. Not a penny. Help! Somebody, help us.
 * [SpongeBob slides up from the floor of the boat.]
 * SpongeBob: It's just a penny, sir. [Mr. Krabs stops crying. SpongeBob jumps out of the boat.] It doesn't matter.
 * Mr. Krabs: Doesn't matter? It's money that makes the world go round, boy! It's money that keeps your[He holds up a right-angled ruler to SpongeBob's pants.] pants square! It's money that keeps Squidward in frilly soap!
 * [The scene cuts to Squidward in the Dining area sniffing the air.]
 * Squidward: Lilac!
 * [The scene cuts to show the Krusty Krab with numerous large bandages on it.]
 * Mr. Krabs: It's money that paid for all them renovations we did! Oh, nothing in all the seven seas could matter more. Not even that... [Something catches his eye] Hmm? ...scrumptious, curvy cutie.
 * SpongeBob: I see her, Mr. Krabs. [The scene cuts to a Krabby Patty on a tray, next to a soda.] A Krabby Patty with cheese. [A pair of flippers grabs the sandwich. The scene cuts back to SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs.] The classic.
 * Mr. Krabs: Not the sandwich, boy. The curvy cutie holding the sandwich.
 * [The scene cuts to Mrs. Puff eating the Krabby Patty.]
 * SpongeBob: [Off-screen] Hey! [On-Screen] that's my driving teacher, Mrs. Puff!
 * Mr. Krabs: Mrs. Puff? Aw, she's married.
 * SpongeBob: Oh, no, Mr. Krabs. She's single.
 * Mr. Krabs: Then what happened to Mr. Puff?
 * [The hook catchs to Mr. Puff, who is now a lamp, being turned on. The scene cuts back to SpongeBob.]
 * SpongeBob: She doesn't like to talk about it.
 * Mr. Krabs: Oh, what I wouldn't give to have a lass like that on me claw.
 * SpongeBob: Hey, I know! Why don't I take you over and introduce you?
 * Mr. Krabs: Oh, no, no, no, I, I'm, I'm too old, boy. Too hard-shelled for love. Besides, I ain't not properly dressed.
 * SpongeBob: Oh, come on, Mr. Krabs! [The scene cuts to a close-up of his clothes, which are messy.] You look great. [The scene cuts back to Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob.] You wait here while I go break the ice.
 * [SpongeBob quickly runs off.]
 * Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, no, wait! I'm too nervous! Ooh!
 * [It cuts to a wide shot of Mrs. Puff.]
 * SpongeBob: Hi, Mrs. Puff.
 * [Mrs. Puff screams.]
 * Mrs. Puff: Hit the brakes, SpongeBob! Watch that tree! Left! Left!
 * SpongeBob: [He snaps his fingers.] Wait, Mrs. Puff! We're not driving.
 * Mrs. Puff: Oh, I'm sorry, SpongeBob. I didn't expect to see you here.
 * SpongeBob: I work here, Mrs. Puff. Want to meet my boss?
 * Mrs. Puff: Well, I'm not...
 * SpongeBob: Don't move!
 * [SpongeBob runs back to Mr. Krabs.]
 * Mrs. Puff: Oh!
 * SpongeBob: [While dragging Mr. Krabs to the table] Mrs. Puff, [The two stop.] I'd like to introduce you to Mr... [Mr. Krabs falls forward onto the floor. SpongeBob props him back up.] Mrs. Puff, I'd like to introduce you to my boss, Mr. Krabs.
 * Mrs. Puff: [Nervously] Uh, hello.
 * [Mr. Krabs quivers.]
 * SpongeBob: Psst! Mr. Krabs, say hello. [Mr. Krabs nervously mutters.] No, no, Mr. Krabs. Just say hello.
 * [Mr. Krabs performs a strangled groan.]
 * Mrs. Puff: Hmm, perhaps another time would be...
 * Mr. Krabs: [As Mrs. Puff is starting to leave, Mr. Krabs yelling at SpongeBob] No!
 * SpongeBob: Wait. [As Mrs. Puff sits back down and shivering] He's trying to tell you something.
 * Mrs. Puff: [Shivering] Mr. Krabs? [Mr. Krabs jerks his eyes and moving his arms around weirdly, while speaking gibberish.] I don't understand.
 * [Mr. Krabs looks at SpongeBob and speaks gibberish to him.]
 * SpongeBob: [While Mr. Krabs is speaking gibberish] Oh! I think Mr. Krabs is saying that he'd like to... [Mr. Krabs stops speaking gibberish and turns around.] ...hit you with a rake!
 * Mrs. Puff: [Scared] Goodness!
 * Mr. Krabs: No!
 * [Mr. Krabs lifts his tall eyes up and down, while Speaking gibberish.]
 * SpongeBob: Try to guess your weight.
 * Mrs. Puff: [Offended] Well!
 * [Mr. Krabs flails his arms, while speaking gibberish.]
 * SpongeBob: [While Mr. Krabs is speaking gibberish] No, wait. He wants to take you... [thinks for a second] ...on a date!
 * [Mr. Krabs gasps happily and falls over]
 * Mrs. Puff: Is that true, Mr. Krabs? Do you want to take me on a date?
 * Mr. Krabs: Aye. What do you say?
 * Mrs. Puff: What do I say? [starts laughing] I say, you have a way with words, Mr. Krabs.
 * [Mrs. Puff walks away.]
 * Mr. Krabs: I still got it. [chuckles]
 * [The bubble transition goes to the exterior of the Krabs' house at night.]
 * SpongeBob: [Off-screen] Ready for your date, Mr. Krabs?
 * Mr. Krabs: [Off-screen] I'm always ready when it comes to datin', lad!
 * [The interior of the Krabs' Anchor is shown.]
 * SpongeBob: [While he is holding a list, and Mr. Krabs, who is wearing fancy clothes, walk down stairs] Breath sauce?
 * Mr. Krabs: [sprays mouth with breath sauce] Check.
 * SpongeBob: Lucky hanky?
 * Mr. Krabs: [He takes out his hanky.] Check.
 * SpongeBob: Giant rusty anchor?
 * Mr. Krabs: Uh, anchor. Anchor? I can't find me giant rusty anchor!
 * [SpongeBob throws the list away and laughs]
 * SpongeBob: Relax, Mr. Krabs. [While opening the door.] Just a little joke. [While making a circle in the air with his hands.] Good luck with you know who.
 * [SpongeBob moves his eyebrows up and down.]
 * Mr. Krabs: Who's that?
 * SpongeBob: Mrs. Puff.
 * Mr. Krabs: Oh, yeah. Well, wish me luck, lad!
 * [The bubble transition goes to the exterior of Fancy!]
 * Mrs. Puff: [Off-Screen] Oh, Mr. Krabs! [Mr. Krabs and Mrs. Puff are shown at a table inside.] This dinner has been so wonderful. The coral was cooked to perfection. [giggles. I don't think I could eat another bite.
 * Mr. Krabs: Oh, I doubt that, my little shrimp boat.
 * [Mrs. Puff giggles.]
 * Mrs. Puff: You're spoiling me, Mr. Krabs. I mean, [The scene shows a squid rubbing Mrs. Puff's feet.] foot rubs between courses. [While pulling out a caricature of herself.] Caricatures. Imported music. [The scene swift pans to a live-action scuba diver plays the piano on the other side of the room. 
 * Steve: Hi, scuba diver. Are you using my piano?
 * Blue: Bark!
 * Imported pianist: Sure. Here you my piano. [Steve takes a piano.]
 * Steve: Thanks, imported pianist. [The scene shows Mr. Krabs.]
 * Mr. Krabs: Nothing's too good for you, my prickly peach.
 * Mrs. Puff: Oh, what I'm trying to tell you, Mr. Krabs, is...
 * Waiter: Uh, sir, your fancy pantsy limousine is here. [a cooked crab with lettuce]
 * Mr. Krabs: Wonderful! Pufflily-poo, your chariot awaits!
 * Mrs. Puff: Well...
 * [Mr. Krabs whistles and two men join the waiter in carrying a screaming Mrs. Puff away. Mr. Krabs eats the crab.]
 * Mr. Krabs: You'll never have to walk again, my little lobster bib.
 * [He sighs as the waiter approaches him again.]
 * Waiter: Your menu, sir.
 * [Mr. Krabs takes the menu.]
 * Mr. Krabs: What? [it shows the menu] Food and Drinks, Grilled Cheese, Coca Cola, Sprite, Pepsi, Diet Coke, Dr. Pepper, Fanta?! Well, this can't possibly be correct!
 * Waiter: Oh, my mistake, sir. Thank you for pointing that out. [he hands Mr. Krabs a different menu]This is your menu.
 * [Mr. Krabs takes the menu. Looks down and his eyes enlarge, oddly. The exterior of the restaurant is shown and the cork opens the cork lid sprays water. The scream shatters the glass bottle, which causes the sign to go flying and the cork and valet fall over. The bubble transitions shows the Krabs' anchor at night. It then cuts to the interior and Mr. Krabs, who is back in his normal clothes, crying on the floor. SpongeBob is also there.]
 * SpongeBob: I don't understand, Mr. Krabs. How can you spend $100,000 in one night?
 * [Mr. Krabs gets up.]
 * Mr. Krabs: [Still crying] Oh, SpongeBob! I couldn't help but spend every cent I had on her! I couldn't control myself!
 * SpongeBob: What are you gonna do?
 * Mr. Krabs: I don't know, boy! I've got another date tomorrow! I'm caught in the middle of me two great loves! Sweet Mrs. Puff, and the rest of me money!
 * SpongeBob: [while Mr. Krabs is crying] I wish there was some way I could help.
 * [Mr. Krabs stops crying.]
 * Mr. Krabs: Perhaps there is, boy! [hands SpongeBob his wallet] I'm puttin' you in charge of me money.
 * SpongeBob: I don't get it, Mr. Krabs.
 * Mr. Krabs: You come with me on the date and don't let me spend any money. [The bubble transition shows Mrs. Puff's house. Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob walk up to it.] Now remember, we keep it cheap by going to the park. And no matter how much I ask you, you don't give me any of me money. Now give me a dollar.
 * SpongeBob: Nope.
 * Mr. Krabs: Good boy! You'll do fine.
 * [Mr. Krabs knocks on the door.]
 * Mrs. Puff: [Off-screen; singingly] Who is it?
 * Mr. Krabs: It's me, [Mr. Krabs' pupils turn into hearts.] my beautiful bell buoy!
 * [Mrs. Puff is heard giggling.]
 * Mrs. Puff: Just a minute!
 * [Mr. Krabs pupils turn back to normal.]
 * Mr. Krabs: Flowers! Flowers, boy! Go get flowers!
 * SpongeBob: But you said...
 * Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, you can't call on a classy lady like Mrs. Puff empty-handed. We ain't talking about this... [He makes a square in the air.] ...or this... [He makes a triangle in the air.] ...we're talking about this!
 * [Mr. Krabs makes the circle in the air.]
 * Mrs. Puff: [Off-screen] Almost ready.
 * Mr. Krabs: Hurry, boy! Get the flowers!
 * [SpongeBob runs off as Mrs. Puff opens her door.]
 * Mr. Krabs: Mrs. Puff. You're as beautiful as ever.
 * [Mrs. Puff sighs.]
 * Mrs. Puff: That's funny. I thought I heard SpongeBob's voice.
 * Mr. Krabs: Uh... you did. He'll be right back. He's our personal assistant for the day.
 * Mrs. Puff: Oh, e-excuse me. I have to call my insurance agent.
 * [Mrs. Puff hurries back inside]
 * Mr. Krabs: Of course, my beautiful Puff.
 * [Mr. Krabs sighs and his pupils turn to hearts again.]
 * SpongeBob: [Off-screen; making the heart pupils go away] Mr. Krabs, [While walking to give Mr. Krabs the flowers.] I got the flowers you wanted me to buy.
 * Mr. Krabs: [While turning around.] What's that?
 * SpongeBob: I got the flowers for Mrs. Puff.
 * Mr. Krabs: We had an agreement, boy. You ain't supposed to spend any of me money!
 * SpongeBob: But you said...
 * Mrs. Puff: [As Mr. Krabs' pupils turn to hearts again] Here I come!
 * Mr. Krabs: [while Mrs. Puff opens the door and he grabs the flowers] For you, Mrs. Puff!
 * Mrs. Puff: Oh, [as she is grabbing the flowers] flowers. Oh, how thoughtful!
 * Mr. Krabs: [While he holds out an butterfly] And here's a box of chocolates. [He turns back to SpongeBob.] SpongeBob, where's the chocolates?
 * SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, the budget doesn't allow for...
 * Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, you can't go to Mrs. Puff's house without chocolates. Hurry! Hurry!
 * [SpongeBob runs off. SpongeBob comes back with the heart-shaped box of chocolates]
 * SpongeBob: [As Mr. Krabs' pupil return to normal] I bought the biggest box they had!
 * Mr. Krabs: Buy, buy, buy! Spend, spend, spend! Is that all you can think about?!
 * Mrs. Puff: [As Mr. Krabs' pupils turn back into hearts] Oh, Eugene!
 * Mr. Krabs: [As he offer Mrs. Puff the box of chocolates] Here's those chocolates I bought for you. What are we doing today, Mrs. Puff? Dinner? Dancing? A trip to the moon?
 * SpongeBob: [while Mr. Krabs' eyes turn back to normal] Psst, Mr. Krabs, we're just going for a walk in the park, remember?
 * Mrs. Puff: Actually, a walk in the park sounds perfect. It's a beautiful day. I'll just need to get a sun hat and...
 * Mr. Krabs: [While his pupils turn back into hearts] Mrs. Puff needs a sun hat, SpongeBob!
 * SpongeBob: Oh, I think she...
 * Mr. Krabs: The sun is beatin' down on poor Mrs. Puff's head.
 * SpongeBob: As your financial advisor, I suggest...
 * Mr. Krabs: [his eyes are back to normal] There's no time for suggestions! Go buy a hat!
 * [SpongeBob starts to leave, but comes back.]
 * SpongeBob: But...
 * Mr. Krabs: Today! [SpongeBob runs off and Mrs. Puff puts her fins over her mouth.] Don't worry, Mrs. Puff! I'll [He takes out a barrel.] shade ya! [He places the barrel on Mrs. Puff's head.]
 * Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, hurry!
 * SpongeBob: [as he comes back from the store with a large straw hat] One shady hat.
 * Mr. Krabs: Good job, lad.
 * [Mr. Krabs puts the hat on Mrs. Puff.]
 * Mrs. Puff: Oh, well, thank you, but you didn't need to buy one. I have a hat in the closet.
 * Mr. Krabs: Didn't need to buy one? [He turns his head around like an owl to face SpongeBob, still grinning] You hear that, boy? [in high pitch] We didn't need to buy a hat. [angrily] Aren't you supposed to be saving me money?!
 * SpongeBob: I'm trying, Mr. Krabs! But you keep telling me to buy things for Mrs. Puff! It's all really confusing.
 * Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, I'm sorry. This is my fault. I'm not thinking clearly. I'm making a sailor's promise, boy. From this moment on, I won't ask you to buy anything for Mrs. Puff!
 * Mr. Krabs (time card): Halloween, October 31th!
 * Mr. Krabs: [happily as hearts float in the background] SpongeBob! Mrs. Puff needs a new fur coat! January 1st. Happy New Year! [After SpongeBob buys one, Krabs is mad and flaming dollars float in the background]
 * Mr. Krabs: Don't squacker it, boy! [happily] Puffy needs a new pair of shoes! February 14th. Valentine's Day! [SpongeBob gets the shoes]
 * Mr. Krabs: [angrily] You're breaking me, boy! [happily] She needs fine jewelry! April 12. Easter! [SpongeBob gets the jewelry] Not that fine! July 4. Fireworks! [SpongeBob runs back and forth, speeding up, carrying various items as Mr. Krabs keeps yelling his name. He eventually becomes too tired to move] SpongeBob! October 31. Halloween! [SpongeBob comes back with a pink umbrella] SpongeBob! SpongeBob! November 4. Thankgiving![SpongeBob comes back with a bicycle] Balloons. SpongeBob! Cake. SpongeBob! Happy Birthday! [SpongeBob comes back with a purple surfboard]SpongeBob! Ball. SpongeBob! Merry New Year Night! [SpongeBob comes back with a grandfather clock] Bags. SpongeBob! Jack o Latern. SpongeBob! Candy. Happy Halloween! [SpongeBob comes back with an anchor barbell] SpongeBob! Turkey. SpongeBob! Happy Thanksgiving! [SpongeBob comes back with a TV] SpongeBob! SpongeBob! Happy Holidays! Merry Christmas! [SpongeBob comes back and forth with lots of presents] SpongeBob! Santa Claus. SpongeBob! Mrs. Claus. SpongeBob! Stockings. SpongeBob! Presents. SpongeBob! December 25. Christmas!
 * [his voice echoes, and SpongeBob is seen sitting on the ground, his arms stretched, and he is panting]
 * Mr. Krabs: [runs up, his eyes are shaped like hearts] SpongeBob! I'm glad I caught you. I want you to buy Mrs. Puff...
 * SpongeBob: Wait! Don't tell me. You want me to run down to the store and buy Mrs. Puff something she doesn't need! Then you want me to run back here so you can say, [stretches out his eyeballs, imitating Mr. Krabs] "Arrgh, SpongeBob! You're spending all me money!" And then I'll say, "But Mr. Krabs, I'm only doing what you said!" Then you'll say, "We're not talking about this..."[Makes the triangle] ..."Or this"... [Makes the square] ..."we're talking about this!" [He squiggles all over the screen. The screen fades out for a moment. Fades back in to see SpongeBob panting with Mr. Krabs.]
 * Mr. Krabs: But, lad, this time's different! Mrs. Puff needs this! [Cut to Mrs. Puff who has many unneeded, expensive items surrounding her]
 * Mrs. Puff: Are we going to the park soon?
 * Mr. Krabs: Please, lad, I'm begging you! I'm a lonely old crustacean who's found love! Don't let me lose her! [Starts to cry]
 * SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, don't. Don't cry, Mr. Krabs! Come on. Okay, I, I'm going to get it, see?[Walks offscreen, and comes back with a washing machine] Cheer up, Mr. Krabs, Here's that washing machine you wanted.
 * Mr. Krabs: Cheer up? How can I cheer up... when you're spending all me hard-earned cash?!
 * SpongeBob: See?! You just did it again!
 * Mr. Krabs: Lad, I can't help it if you're loose with other people's money. [SpongeBob gets a blank expression on his face] Do you think Mrs. Puff will need a dryer to go along with that?
 * SpongeBob: Well, Mr. Krabs. Do you want to know what I think? [screams] Arrgh! Regga flebba breeka brecka smullen-ellen Mr. Krabs! Yegga hegga mergin wallet! Dimmy middy spend! Rivy flivy diva shiva Mr. Krabs Wallet! [During SpongeBob's rage, Mrs. Puff looks up these words in the dictionary that Mr. Krabs bought her, and gasps and blushes. SpongeBob angrily walks past Mrs. Puff while muttering, and Mr. Krabs' mouth is agape]
 * Mrs. Puff: I didn't know SpongeBob had such a colorful vocabulary. Actually, there's something I'd like to say, too, Mr. Krabs. [Takes off her fur coat, shoes and hat] I'm afraid I just don't feel comfortable accepting all these gifts. I'd rather go Dutch, if you don't mind. [Hands him some money from her purse]
 * Mr. Krabs: Uh, okay.
 * Mrs. Puff: You're a very sweet man, Mr. Krabs. [Mrs. Puff kisses him and his eyes bend into the shape of a heart]
 * Mr. Krabs: [as his eyes make a heart] Aawww...