Jellyfishing/transcript

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Jellyfishing" from season one, which aired on July 31, 1999.
 * [Opens in on a bunch of jellyfish and one flying out of the field towards SpongeBob's block]
 * Narrator: Ah, ze early morning in Bikini Bottom, when the jellyfish are buzzing about and making their jellyfish jelly. [A jellyfish flies by SpongeBob's house. Just then a giant periscope comes out of the porthole] Oh, what is happening here? [SpongeBob is looking through the periscope from inside, Patrick waits behind him] Collectors? [SpongeBob nods to Patrick. They both run toward two vents: one square shaped, one circular shaped. SpongeBob takes the square one and Patrick takes the circle one. The two approach ropes and slide down them. At the bottom, they encounter a case of rope burn and jump around frantically. They blow their hands to remove the burn. Once the burn is gone, the two get serious again and approach a closet. It houses three sets of poles and three sets of nets. SpongeBob and Patrick take one of each, connect them and test their mobility. SpongeBob puts on his glasses and the two seriously step out ready for action. A jellyfish flies by and the two joyfully sing and follow it]
 * SpongeBob: [off-screen] I think I've got it! Wait a minute... [we hear jellyfish stings and SpongeBob and Patrick screaming. The two run back the way they came, being chased by the jellyfish. They fall into a heap in front of Squidward's house. The jellyfish stings both of their backsides and flies off. Just then, Squidward comes out of his house with his bike]
 * Squidward: Hm.
 * SpongeBob: Hey, Squidward, we're jellyfishing.
 * Squidward: Of course you are. Bye now. [walks off]
 * SpongeBob: Wait! We made a net especially for you! [holds it up] Do you want to come with us?
 * Squidward: [sarcastically] Really? Jellyfishing with you guys? Oh, that would be the best day ever in my book! I would love to go jellyfishing! I can't think of anything I'd like to do more on my day off than go jellyfishing with my two best friends: SpongeBob and... uh...
 * Patrick: Patrick.
 * Squidward: Right. But I can't. Bye bye.
 * SpongeBob: Next time?
 * Squidward: Oh sure, right! Whatever. [bikes away; under breath] Like that'll ever happen.
 * SpongeBob: You know, Patrick? It always seems like Squidward never has time for fun.
 * Patrick: Maybe he doesn't like us.
 * SpongeBob: No, are you kidding? We're his best friends. [Squidward bikes down a path, chuckling to himself]
 * Squidward: Jellyfishing. [as he laughs, his nose inflates and deflates] Oh, I'll go. [laughs] I sure had them going. [laughs. But, he doesn't see a jellyfish which is going in the opposite direction. He keeps on laughing. The jellyfish ends up swimming in Squidward's mouth and he coughs it out]Stupid jellyfish! Beat it! [He hits it, and the jellyfish goes up his shirt and starts zapping him, causing Squidward to veer out of control. His tentacles get tangled on the pedals and he trips on a rock. He bounces down a hill and then falls down a jagged rocky cliff. He reaches the bottom of the cliff and immediately an a stars pops, atomic explosion appears.] Ow...
 * [Cut to SpongeBob sitting at his house. He looks out the window. But, no one is there. He sits down again. He notices a photo of him and an unhappy Squidward that reads, "Friends." He puts it down and looks out the window again. Squidward, who's in a wheelchair and all bandaged up rolls down the path]
 * SpongeBob: Squid's back! [he phones Patrick, which causes the screen to split diagonally, revealing Patrick on the bottom]
 * Patrick: Yello?
 * SpongeBob: Hey, Patrick, Squid's home! And we're gonna make sure he's greeted by his two best friends!
 * Patrick: Oh, great! Who are they? [it's revealed that the two are phoning each other from across the room, just with different wallpapers]
 * SpongeBob: Us! [the two hang up] Let's go! [Squidward wheels himself into his house. The lights suddenly turn on, and party horns can be heard. SpongeBob and Patrick are inside his house with a banner that says "Welcome Home"] Welcome home, Squidward!
 * Patrick: Merry Christmas!
 * SpongeBob: We're gonna make this your best day ever! [Squidward turns around and wheels out. SpongeBob rolls him back in] Well, your best day's sure not gonna be out there. [SpongeBob wheels Squidward to a table where Patrick stands by a bowl of soup]
 * Patrick: How about some soup on your best day ever? [Squidward looks at the soup and sees Alphabet Soup letters spelling out, "Best Day Ever" Patrick holds up a spoon] Here we go! [he scoops some up, but Squidward makes some grunting noises in refusal] Oh, it's a little hot. [he blows on the spoon, sending steaming hot soup splashing all over Squidward's bandaged face. Patrick notices his spoon is empty and refills it to blow on, covering Squidward in more hot soup. This continues for three times until SpongeBob pulls the soup bowl away and laughs nervously]
 * SpongeBob: I don't think soup is the best thing for him on his best day ever. [walks near a music stand and Squidward's clarinet] How about some music on your best day ever? Played on your very own clarinet. [he blows into it, but wind comes out causing Squidward to groan] Sorry, my lips are a little dry. [He wets his lips exaggeratedly long and wet. Just when he prepares to blow, a disgusted Patrick snatches the clarinet away]
 * Patrick: Music isn't best either!
 * SpongeBob: But what is best is what we saved for last. The one sure-fire thing to make your best day ever the best day ever! [cut to SpongeBob, Patrick and Squidward in Jellyfish Fields. SpongeBob and Patrick hold nets]
 * SpongeBob and Patrick: [chanting] Jellyfishing, jellyfishing, jellyfishing, jellyfishing, jellyfishing, jellyfishing, jellyfishing, jellyfishing, jellyfishing!
 * SpongeBob: This is Jellyfish Fields, where wild jellyfish roam just waiting to be captured.[Squidward rides away, but SpongeBob catches him] No, no, Squid! Over here! I know you're eager, but you don't even have your net. Patrick, fix him up while I find him a good specimen.
 * Patrick: Firmly grasp it in your hand. [he places the pole end on Squidward's bandaged hand, but it falls because he can't grab, Patrick picks it up] Firmly grasp it. [he does it again and the results are the same. Patrick gets frustrated] Firmly grasp it! [he forcefully jabs the net through Squidward's bandaged hand. Squidward lets out a muffled pained scream] That oughta do it. [SpongeBob spots a jellyfish]
 * SpongeBob: There's one in position. Ready... set... go! [the two yell out words of encouragement to Squidward and jump up and down, but Squidward isn't budging. The two eventually notice Squidward isn't going anywhere. They again encourage him, but still nothing happens]
 * Patrick: I think we gotta show him how it's done. [in the tune of "The Beautiful Blue Danube," SpongeBob and Patrick dance along next to the jellyfish and try to catch it. SpongeBob and Patrick sing, and even the jellyfish hums out some music. After several attempts, they get into a big fight with stinging and such. The jellyfish escapes the squabbles and swims by Squidward and stings him on the nose. Squidward, mad, goes after the jellyfish. SpongeBob and Patrick, still getting stung by jellyfish, notice]
 * SpongeBob: Hey, look! Squid's doing it! [as Squidward chases, SpongeBob and Patrick cheer him on. His wheelchair is stopped by a rock, but he eventually gets back on track. The jellyfish lands on a pink "rock" and Squidward catches it. He laughs triumphantly, but muffled due to the bandages and whacks the net against the "rock". The "rock" surfaces, revealing to be a really huge jellyfish, the Queen Jellyfish. She now floats above Squidward. Squidward gulps. SpongeBob and Patrick look on.]
 * Patrick: This guy's good.
 * SpongeBob: He's a natural!
 * [SpongeBob and Patrick start cheering Squidward on as he tries to get away from the Queen Jellyfish.]
 * SpongeBob: [Simultaneously cheering] Yeah, you're doing great! Go, Squid, go!
 * Patrick: [Simultaneously cheering] Yeah, you got it, Squidward! Yeah, you're doing it, Squid! See what you've been missing?
 * SpongeBob: [Simultaneously cheering] Yeah, you got, Squid!
 * Patrick: [Simultaneously cheering] You got what you wanted, Squidward! You can go that distance! Use that net!
 * SpongeBob: Be the net!
 * Patrick: Yeah! You're feeling it, Squid! That's it, all the way! The last 6 miles, make that, Squid! Go, go, go!
 * SpongeBob: [Simultaneously] Yeah, go by the eye of the tiger, by the eye of the tiger, by the eye of the tiger! Better, better, better! Yeah, yeah, yeah! You've got it now!
 * Patrick: It's in the bag!
 * SpongeBob: This is really your best day ever, isn't it?
 * [The Queen Jellyfish gives Squidward an extremely powerful sting. SpongeBob and Patrick stop cheering.]
 * Both: Oooh...
 * [Cut to the next day where SpongeBob and Patrick walking in front of Squidward's place covered in bandages]
 * SpongeBob: Hey, Patrick. Well... [sighs] Thought yesterday went... [hesitates] pretty well, don't you think?
 * Patrick: I had fun.
 * SpongeBob: Me too. [some whirring is heard in the background]
 * Patrick: Here comes Squidward!
 * SpongeBob: Oh, great. [Squidward approaches in a stretcher] Hey, Squid! How about that...[Squidward rolls down the front walk in a wheeled medical bed with a container of life-saving fluid and in a full body cast.] ...best day ever?
 * Patrick: There's always tomorrow! [Squidward's bed bangs on the door, trying to get in]
 * SpongeBob: Um, we're really sorry about what happened yesterday, Squidward. [he bangs the door again] Um, we got you a present! [it's the jellyfish that caused Squidward to encounter the Queen Jellyfish in a jar] It's the jellyfish. [Squidward scowls]
 * Patrick: You know, from yesterday!
 * SpongeBob: You're not still bad, are you? [Squidward opens the jar in SpongeBob and Patrick's direction]
 * Patrick: You piece still man. Ahhhh. [The jellyfish chases after SpongeBob and Patrick and stings them repeatedly as they run into the distance screaming. Squidward laughs to himself, his nose inflating and deflating again. The Queen Jellyfish returns and zaps him again. Now he's burnt to a crisp. The cast cracks off in pieces, leaving a completely blackened Squidward]
 * Squidward: Ow.