Pressure (transcript)

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePantsepisode "Pressure" from season two, which aired on March 8, 2001.
 * Sandy: [looking at the clouds] You know, SpongeBob, sometimes, it's nice to hang up my hang-glider and just watch the clouds roll by.
 * SpongeBob: Yup, and just relax.
 * Sandy: Yeah. Relax.
 * SpongeBob: Oooh! Oooh! Do you know what that cloud looks like?
 * Sandy: What?
 * SpongeBob: A flower.
 * Sandy: They all look like flowers, SpongeBob. All the time.
 * SpongeBob: They sure do.
 * Sandy: You know, normally, I'd offer to race you to the top of coral cliffs. But I don't want to miss out on a second of this beautiful beauty.
 * SpongeBob: Me either. Who wants to get all dirty anyway?
 * Sandy: Yeah. And sweaty. Besides, I think we'd all know who'd get to the top first.
 * SpongeBob: Yeah.
 * SpongeBob and Sandy: [both laugh] Me.
 * SpongeBob: That's funny, Sandy. That sounded like you said you could beat me at a climbing contest.
 * Sandy: Course I can! I'm a squirrel. See? [points to her acorn patch]
 * SpongeBob: I thought that meant you were nuts.
 * Sandy: Nope, that means I'm a natural born climber. I'm from the surface world, and nothing prepares you for climbing than growing up on good ol' dry land.
 * SpongeBob: [laughs] Land-shmand, it's all about finger strength, baby, and if there's anything we've got plenty of down here, it's finger strength! [his fingers flex] What do you think about that, "Miss Mittens"?
 * Sandy: I'd say I'm already halfway there!
 * SpongeBob: Ahh! [begins to climb the mountain] Hey, no fair, Sandy! You got a head start!
 * Sandy: Sorry, SpongeBob, that's the way the coral crumbles! [collapses the rock SpongeBob is climbing on]
 * SpongeBob: Hey! [gets back on another rock] You did that on purpose!
 * Sandy: Yeah, but this is an accident! [unleashes more rocks at him]
 * SpongeBob: [screams] Aaaaah!
 * Sandy: Too bad you forgot your umbrella!
 * SpongeBob: [holds on to an umbrella and floats up] I didn't! [laughing, reaches the top of the cliff]
 * Sandy: [sitting in a lounge chair, reading a newspaper] Well, it's about time you showed up.
 * SpongeBob: [gibberish] I want a rematch! First one to the Krusty Krab is the winner!
 * Sandy: Ain't no way a sea critter can run faster than a land critter.
 * SpongeBob: I can underwater! I'm... [Low voice] Hydrodynamically designed! [Normal voice] Think you can win a fair race in that clunky tin tube?
 * Sandy: Why don't use ask my behind! That is, if you can catch it! What do you think of that, HydroPants?
 * SpongeBob: I'd say I'm already halfway there!-halfway there! [zooms out to reveal a record player] -halfway there!-halfway there!.
 * Sandy: [gasps] Hey!
 * SpongeBob: [running at the bottom of the mountain, laughing, hits a brick wall]
 * Sandy: [jumps on SpongeBob's face and over the brick wall] Thanks for the face lift! [runs into the Krusty Krab, laughing] You see, I told you that you didn't-
 * SpongeBob: [dressed as an old man] There you are! Ain't that just like a land creature to keep a sea creature [licks lips] waiting! [rips off suit, laughing]
 * Sandy: I thought y'all wanted a rematch.
 * SpongeBob: I did! And I took a head start like you did!
 * Sandy: Well, I was just funning with you that time! But I guess all y'all underwater don't have to play fair!
 * SpongeBob: I guess I don't, air breather!
 * Sandy: Water sucker!
 * SpongeBob: Tree climber!
 * Sandy: Gulf streamer!
 * SpongeBob: Kite flier!
 * Sandy: Chum chewer!
 * SpongeBob: [gasps] Take that back! You- [nervously] not wet person!
 * Sandy: Aha! You can't even come up with another name! That proves it!
 * SpongeBob: Proves what?
 * Sandy: That land critters are better than sea critters!
 * Patrick: [walks to the two] Better at what?
 * Sandy Cheeks: Oh, dern near everything, I guess. Cattle roping and pie eating and wood chopping and flying!
 * Squidward: [walks to the three] What's she blabbering about?
 * Patrick: She says land creatures are best.
 * Sandy: Only 'cause it's true! We're best at horse riding and fur stylin' and rowing. Y'all got us licked in swimming, but we've got corn shucking [Mr. Krabs joins the four] and hay bailing and barn raising... and fishing!
 * [SpongeBob, Patrick, Squidward and Mr. Krabs all gasp]
 * Sandy: And name calling, for sure!
 * Squidward: And drowning, don't forget drowning!
 * SpongeBob: [laughing] Good one, Squidward! [jumps to high five Squidward, but freezes in midair] Woo!
 * Squidward: Not on your life, sport. [SpongeBob falls]
 * SpongeBob: I'll admit, you've got some pretty good moves. For a squirrel. [SpongeBob and the rest except Sandy start laughing until SpongeBob signals them to stop] But you're still just a land creature.
 * Sandy: Squirrels can do anything they want to!
 * Patrick: I bet they can't eat a Krabby Double Deluxe in one bite. [gulps a big patty down] Ah.
 * Sandy: [reaches offscreen for the same big patty] Give me that. They don't call me Cheeks for nothing. [tries to eat it, but it splatters on her air helmet. Everyone, but Sandy, begins to laugh]
 * Patrick: Thank you, thank you.
 * Sandy: Well, there's just one thing.
 * Mr. Krabs: Can you do this? [pops his eyestalks in and out of his head] Everyone in my family can do that.
 * Sandy: [Tries to do it] Uh...uh...
 * Squidward: How about this? [balances six spinning plates on a stick with his tentacles] Huh?
 * SpongeBob: Can you reproduce by budding. [begins to do it] Can ya? Can ya? Can ya? Can ya?
 * Sandy: No!
 * SpongeBob: Most importantly...can you do this? [all except Sandy make their eyes big and round, and begin gasping three times without releasing any breath]
 * Sandy: Well, what would I wanna do any of that dumb stuff for anyway?
 * SpongeBob: Admit it, Sandy, you can't do anything us sea creatures can do. In fact, if wasn't for that suit, you couldn't live down here! [everyone but Sandy starts laughing]
 * Sandy: Well, you know... [all continue laughing] I don't need to... [all laughing harder] Grr... I'll show ya all! I don't need this suit! [rips off suit, and all gasp] And I don't need this helmet neither! [throws helmet to ground, releasing an air bubble]
 * Mr. Krabs: Neptune preserve her!
 * Squidward: How long can she stay like that?
 * SpongeBob: I don't know!
 * Patrick: Sandy's a girl?
 * SpongeBob: Wow, Sandy. You sure proved us wrong. I guess land creatures are better. At least until they need to breathe... [Sandy winks] Yep, won't be long now. [she starts struggling to hold her breath] Feelin' light-headed yet?
 * Sandy: Mm-mm. [Sandy shakes her head]
 * SpongeBob: Remember this? [SpongeBob takes a deep breath in and out]
 * Mr. Krabs: It's free! [also takes a deep breath in and out]
 * Sandy: [Starts suffocating underwater, screen cuts to her insides and her right lung breaks and falls off, she looks around and quickly searches through multiple objects, then puts her head into a pickle jar and breathes heavily. All others start laughing] Stop laughing at me!
 * Mr. Krabs: I knew it! There was no way some "airhead" was gonna win anything against a water breather!
 * Patrick: Airhead... [laughs. The top of his head deflates like a balloon] Huh? [puts thumb in mouth and blows. His head becomes round at the top]
 * SpongeBob, Patrick, Squidward and Mr. Krabs: Sea creatures rule! Water! Water! Water!
 * Sandy: All right, all right! You had your little laugh. But now it's my turn! Y'all think you're such hot stuff, don't ya?! Swimming around with your fancy gills and such. But none of you wetheads could last a minute on my turf. Dry land!
 * Squidward: Do we have to wear pickle jars? [all, except Sandy, laugh]
 * Sandy: Nope, nothing but the clothes on your backs.
 * SpongeBob: One minute? No problem, Landy! [all but Sandy begin to laugh]
 * Sandy: [all but her are still laughing, as she leads them all to an island rising out of the water from the Disneyland, as they see the island, they stop laughing] Well? So are you going or not?
 * SpongeBob: Actually, you know, but...
 * Squidward: We can't, uh...because...
 * Mr. Krabs: Well, um... we're late for our...
 * Patrick: Our fitting!
 * Sandy: Oh, you mean for your chicken costumes!
 * Patrick: [holding and eating popcorn] Hey! We are not chicken! [drops popcorn] Huh! My popcorn! [begins pecking at it like a chicken]
 * SpongeBob: Yeah, we're not chicken, we'll do it. [looks at the water's surface and pokes his finger above the water] There. Mission accomplished.
 * Sandy: Look. Unless you can stay above water for one measly minute, you forfeit the contest and prove that land creatures are better than sea creatures!
 * SpongeBob: No, way, San-day. We can take on your challenge!
 * Patrick, Squidward and Mr. Krabs: Yeah!
 * SpongeBob: Where not afraid of your dumb old land!
 * Patrick, Squidward and Mr. Krabs: Yeah!
 * SpongeBob: We're sea creatures!
 * SpongeBob, Patrick, Squidward and Mr. Krabs: Yeah!
 * SpongeBob: Okay... Well, this is it.
 * Mr. Krabs: Wait, boy! [gives him a glass of water] Make it last.
 * SpongeBob: [drinks from it] Thanks, Mr. Krabs. Okay! Let's do it! [grobs the fishing rod, gasps out of water, He's now a real yellow kitchen sponge on a stick] Hey, this isn't so bad. We can do this! Hey, Patrick, come on up! Walt Disney World 25th Anniversary is fine!
 * Patchy: Potty! Get my fishing rod!
 * Patrick: I'm gonna Disneyland and get it over with. Cannonball! [grobs the fishing rod, jumps up out of the water. He's now a real pink starfish, missing his pants, on a stick] Hey, I lost my trunks! Hi, SpongeBob!
 * SpongeBob: All right, Pat, you made it! Come on, Mr. Krabs! Up here!
 * Mr. Krabs: All ashore, that's going to shore, Mr. Squidward! DisneyLand ho! [runs up. grobs the fishing rod. he is a red rubber toy crab on a stick]
 * SpongeBob: Looking good, Mr. Krabs!
 * Patrick: Yeah! Yeah! Woohoo!
 * SpongeBob: Come on, Squidward, you're missing all the dry. Come on, Squidward!
 * SpongeBob, Patrick, Patchy and Mr. Krabs: [chanting] Squidward! Squidward! Squidward! Squidward!
 * Squidward: Well, I'll do it. But I won't like it. [walks up. he's a puppet squid with his eyes and big nose. [all stop chanting] ...What?
 * Potty: Brawk, here we are. [all four are walking on the island']'
 * Squidward: This is pretty easy.
 * Patrick: I may keep a second rock up here.
 * Helen Kalafatic: Beach is fun!
 * Potty: Brawk! It's a Disneyland.
 * Mr. Krabs: Once you get your land legs, it's not so bad!
 * SpongeBob: We're the masters of land and sea!
 * C.H. Greenblatt: Rick is my cat!
 * Patchy the Pirate: [a string puppet seagull lands in front of them] Hey, it’s local. Hi, we're from Encino. Do you know Sandy Cheeks? [seagull looks at screen]
 * Sandy: 3, 2, 1. Well, tan my fur. They made it! Better congratulate them. [walks onto the island. She's now a real plush squirrel toy with a small, round plastic helmet on her head] SpongeBob! Patrick? Hmm, where'd those critters get to? [sees the seagulls attacking all four of them] Holy guacamole! You can't eat my friends, you rats with wings! Hiyah! [attacks the birds and feathers start flying. All five sink back down to the seabed, with Squidward upside-down.]
 * SpongeBob: Uh, thanks for saving us, Sandy.
 * Sandy: You know, everyone's best at something.
 * Mermaid Man: But no one's best at everything. Sorry I made you take off your hat, Barnacle Boy.
 * Barnacle Boy: Sorry I made you go up on Encino, California, Mermaid Man.
 * Mr. Krabs: Three cheers for feeling sorry for ourselves! Hip hip!
 * All: Hooray!
 * Mr. Krabs: Hip hip!
 * All: Hooray!
 * Mr. Krabs: Hip hip!
 * Seagulls: [lying on island with their feathers missing] Hooray.